2016 in Pictures

Holy moly.

2016 feels like it was a decade ago already. Here we are, firmly in the lap of 2017, and I haven't engaged in this reflective ritual of mine.  If you've been around for awhile, you know I've done some form of this annual post since I was a wee bitty undergraduate student, living at home.

I almost bypassed it entirely, but as I was nostalgically thumbing through (it's not thumbing, more like scrolling, but the former sounds so much more beautiful and reflective) my older entries where I've reviewed a whole year of being alive, I knew that one day I would regret it if there was a gap in this collection.

I do it for my future 80 year old self; I do it for my future 17 year old daughter.

So here we go. Late as always, but still: an account of what it was like to be a 32 year old woman, in her third year of marriage to a 37 year old man, in their seventh year of teaching, their third year back in the city, her first year in a Masters program.

(If this was a drinking game, you could take a sip for every number I have quoted in this entry. For those of us non-drinkers, perhaps a potato chip.)

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Like in 2015, we started off the shiny new year on Saturna. This time, no pipes froze, we didn't bike onto the island, but it was still as full of trees and mouthfuls of quiet as it usually is. As someone who is fairly allergic to the festivities of NYE, my heart was delighted.

In January, I went through a pretty rough time without talking about it much to anyone. Essentially, I was trying to be an academic/professional/counsellor wonder woman who could still make roast chicken dinners mid-week, be light hearted and generally hilarious to everyone who had a conversation with me, and wash my hair regularly.

Pffftttttt.

(I literally just gasped when I remembered that that was the semester I was taking THREE so-heavy-on-the-brain-and-heart counselling courses while fulfilling all the other roles in my life. I take one course right now -- which is LIGHT ON READING-- while doing my Clinic, and am so tired, so hair unwashed.)

To practice self-care, I started drawing and practicing calligraphy, which were things that were just for me. Not my clients, my professors, my husband, my friends, my pre-frontal cortex. 

I also started telling the truth to those who would listen, and it would be an understatement to say that choice shifted my life, that it continues to impact me in rippling waves of peace and care.

In February, the BFFs came down from the Yukon to visit. We met this precious child for the first time. We became backup legal guardians / godparents to Rowan, which explains why I am now a gushing, obnoxious person who can't just choose one picture to post of a baby, and had to put up all of them.

Evolution is so smart: you make 'em so cute, so that you have no choice but to protect them forever.

S
Spring came in the nick of time to save my sanity, and it was warm and colourful and full of opportunity. I continued to be obsessed with flowers in 2016. Please note: I was wearing short sleeve shirts around March (as I stare forlornly out the window at the 57th snowfall of the year, at the time of writing this to you.)

In April, after 9 (yes, 9) assignments were handed in over a span of a month, we celebrated in the best way we know how: a road trip. This time, a decadent long weekend in Portland, where cider, pie, burgers, ice cream and mac n' cheese hot dogs were our most favourite companions. Bry turned a year older, and got a whole library full of whiskey and tequila to celebrate.

We remarked afterwards that amongst all of the trips we have taken, in all these years of being together, it stands out for how happy we were, the whole time we were there. For me, sometimes the planning of a trip is better than the trip itself, but sunny Portland in the spring was just pure light.

W

We spent much of this season outdoors, continuing our 2015 mantra of adventures in nature. If I wasn't behind a book or a computer, I was staring at something green, or lying down on something scratchy. Bry had been working his butt off in a short term contract since January, so we needed oxygen and photosynthesis to augment our sedentary days. It was so warm and alive outside.

I

In May, we rented a canoe and took her on a weekend camping trip up Indian Arm. I will never forget how easy it was, how many jelly fish we saw, how dark chocolate tastes under a moon. It was a highlight for sure, and one that I hope we replicate as often as we can.

 

The school year came to an end, heralding summer, and we were flipping stoked. I swear, teachers have got to be more excited about the break than the student. I must have had a handful of 'celebration' dinners in quick succession; any reason at all to raise a glass, put on lipstick. It wasn't a free summer for me, since I was in school Monday - Thursday, but there's always time for the beach after studying!

In July, M & C and Rowan came to visit again, and this time he was twice as big. Cousin hosted us at their cabin at Buccaneer Bay, and it was sandy and briney and a respite from city living. We love our chosen and actual families.

August came, and summer school ended. (I really don't know what I'll do with myself when I get my summers back this year. What do you meaaaaaaan I will get to do what I want M-F, with no one to answer to, no books to crack open?) I got to choose my birthday trip getaway, so to Ucluelet we went! With stops in Tofino and Victoria, and so much rain and water all around us, it was the calming celebration I was looking for. That, and surfing ruled.

I turned 32 with friends and laughter and dancing, bidding adieu to 31 and a full summer.

F

Fall began, rather abruptly, and we were in the professional saddle. I started my second (and hopefully last) year in the Masters program, and also started Clinic. This meant I was seeing real client for the first time in this capacity, and it was nerve-wracking and everything I had hoped it would be. Counselling, in the flesh, was and is so humbling.

Another trend of this year. All the amazing baby friends my life :

And this baby, too. 2016 felt like a really solid year for our marriage. 

We ended our year with a trip out east to Montreal over the Christmas break. I think all we did was eat and sleep for three days . . .

. . . Before driving across the border into Vermont, to visit our family on their beautiful farm. We had a sweet Christmas with the excitement of two little ones under foot, and lots of cuddles.

We rang in the new year by going to bed by 11pm after watching TV, and called it a truly lovely year.


2016: thanks for your challenges and your grace.


I'll tell you more about how 2017 is going soon.


A look back at : 2015/  2014 / 2013 / 2012

of late: September, October, November Musings

 

                                   1/ baby shower for M + J    2/ blue september skies and Lily Point to ourselves

                                   3/ retail therapy: sticker club + thrifted three piece suit    4/ autumn is here

                                   5/ treating my bestie to bratwurst at Bestie's   6/ oh hai 

                                   7/ evelyn!   8/ november laundry! 

                                   9/ whistler selfie as our noses freeze  10/ alta lake

Of late...

September, October and November were//

A whole epic season. One that always sweeps me up and blows me around in the air, while red and orange maple leaves get crinkled in my hair. Autumn does that to me annually-- I start going and going and by the time I stop, it's almost time to wrap presents and plan veggie sides for a turkey.

But this one specifically: It was very very very very very very everything. So big. So good. So full. VERY.

I'm still a little wide-eyed about it all, and write this as much to check in with you, as to reflect on what has been swirling around for me.

Let's get to it. 

On Clinic//

If you have been around me for even 10 minutes these last three months, I would have waxed on about Clinic endlessly, if you asked me how I was doing. I say the word CLINIC more now than I say the word 'doughnuts'. (A feat, to be sure.)

To clarify for those that are far-flung, Clinic is the practical component of the second year in our Masters course that every Counselling grad student must complete. It is a six month journey into trying out how empathy and open-ended questioning feels on our tongue; a heart experiment into how to hold space for someone when they are crying, grieving, raging, numb. 

Up until now, we had been practicing our skills on each other (or our spouses, if they are very unlucky). Clinic meant real clients, real hurt, real stakes. 

On the first night we were to meet our first client, everyone on my team had palpable energy that filled the room, if ignited. I felt like a live-wire, so squirmy, so full of nerves and excitement that I was fit to burst. It felt almost exactly like all those moments in the dark wings of the theatre, just before I entered onstage in character for Opening Night. It has been fascinating for me how the process of my past life as an actor has in so many ways mirrored my current life as a teacher, and now my present and future life as a counsellor. That arc of -- anticipation, fear, you're ON now : no time for nerves, confidence / calm, hitting your stride, jubilation, pride, collapse. 

That first night, before my cue to enter stage right, I said to my Clinic team:

It feels like I'm becoming a woman tonight. 
I mean. Of course, that's not exactly right. (It's not really like first period, first kiss, first other things...)

But it feels just as momentous, just as significant as a developmental milestone --

There is the moment Before. And there will be the moment After. 

After tonight, I will be a Counsellor. 

Everything I've worked on for so long, with so much heart, will be legitimized. 

I will never forget the experience of that night with my first client. How it felt to be with. How the theory or skills I was worried I would forget, were just there when I opened my mouth.

Since then, I have shown up every Thursday for the last three months with various levels of being: nauseous, steady, thrilled, discombobulated. What I carry with me though, that I unwrapped for myself in first year, is the sense that at all times, I am myself. I no longer try to pretend to be perfect or calm when I'm not, and as my ability to stay vulnerable grows, I get taller and wider and more and more expansive. 

It is very good. I adore Clinic very much.

(Thank the Lord.)

What Else Did You Love?//  

♥ Carving out a morning vinyasa ritual on Thursdays, to ground and centre before clients. There are years that I don't do yoga at all, and am grateful that I found a routine I like this year. It's hard to stay stuck in your thoughts when you're updogging downdogging.

♥ Discovering the trails at Pacific Spirit Park. It is a mystery to me how I never realized that there was a wooded forest so accessible to us in Vancouver, after years of going to UBC. You look way up, and all around, and everything in view is green.

♥ Reading all the books during moments when students are preoccupied: Fates & Furies, Bastard Out of Carolina, The Sasquatch Hunter's Almanac, You'll Grow Out of It

♥ Loving re-reading my daily diary for these months and seeing how many times I read "Had the sweetest students today" -- this TOC life is really not a bad gig, man.  

♥ That lovely afternoon we got to meet sweet Evelyn for the first time! Reuniting with her parents over egg salad / pastrami sandwiches wasn't half bad either. 

♥ Best friend went into labour on Nov. 4th and brought our newest friend, Ethan, into the world. So very proud of her. Meeting him in the NICU was inimate and special. 

♥ Taking solace in nature on the weekend of our 8 year anniversary of our first date. We had Zoe the dog, the many lakes of Whistler, and memorizing Beyonce lyrics in the car. 

Some Stuff that Sucked//  

- ongoing mouse visitor as soon as the weather turned cold. Poops haunting us. One mousey trapped, to our immense relief, only to see another the very night we had a deep clean. 

- B didn't get a job he wanted, and we felt sad. Uchhhhhhh but he's such a good teacher! We soothed ourselves with doughnuts, chips, sour keys, The Good Wife, and homemade butternut squash soup. I consoled myself with the deep knowing that he inevitably will get a contract and this uncertain time in our careers will be a memory only. 

- The election. Seeing people impacted by that news, while others just couldn't grasp how much it does impact the marginalized, how it impacts us all. Feeling simultaneously heavy and committed. 

Body is//

Squawking a bit, but is doing so well for this time of year. It's letting me know I need to take care of myself, but is giving me more wiggle room to do so. I think I am learning, friends. This season, I've been softer on myself than before. Setting more limits and boundaries. Protecting my time. 

Things I Ate That Were Good//

- Family dinner for Ken's birthday at Savio Volpe. THAT STEAK. OMG. 

- I tried the Chicken, Brocoli and Cheese dish at White Spot for the first time. It wins.  

- Mom's cooking now that she's retired and has a newfound interest in it. Dad's ribs. 

- Steak Frites at Faux Bourgeois 

5 Items in my Kitchen at Any Given Time//

- Lemons

- Goat Feta

- Kale

- Butter

- Eggs

Wearing//

Heels and my grown up clothes on Thursdays so that I don't look like a child to my clients.

Jeans every time I teach, because no matter what I look like, the kids guess I'm 22 or 45 anyway. 

Upcoming// 

I put down my theory books and noodle my nose into the spines of literature again. 

I explore Montreal for my third time, but first time as a wife.

I get to have dance parties with my niece and hold my nephew on a farm in Vermont.

I hopefully sleep a heck of a lot.

Knowing you and this space is out there has been a real source of safety and comfort for me. Thank you for caring, for reading, for being an anchor that I tether my calmness to. I hope you are getting what you need.

With all my love,

Your pen pal

of late: July & August Musings

 

                                                                          1/ Fancy double date with our BFFs ; a Sourdough hobby that was exquisite and short

                                                                          2/ Lush walks on Thormanby island ; Obsession with our godson

                                                                          3/ School wife ; 3rd anniversary dinner in fancy duds

                                                                          4/ xoxo X 1 million ; Joffre Lake

                                                                          5/ Saturna: time standing still on ferry ; 3 generations of Green men

                                                                          6/ Ucluelet getaway : walks in pouring rain ; fish tacos

                                                                          7/ Ucluelet getaway II : outdoors cures all things

                                                          

Of late...

I last wrote on June 28th and now it is November.
If I was feeling dramatic, I would say: that's nearly half a year without writing to you!
But: I am mostly feeling sleepy, and a bit behind on other things I have to do, so instead I say: that will do little lamb, that will do. Good for you for starting again.

It's always nice to come back to this space.

July and August were//

A study in how one can wake up at 6am every day to go to school, and maintain a semblance (and many times actual state) of calm and joy. Quite remarkably, this Eeyore body--with its propensity for hitting snooze three times in a half hour span-- would be standing on a crowded bus by 7am, heading to class with a thought out ensemble and not too many crinkles on her brow. You get used to the things you must do, and this was the summer I fit in all the classes I needed to get out of the way by Fall.

Less carefree nights, whimsical "What should I do today?" musings, and jaunts overseas to Europe, 

but . . . you know. Everything has its season. 

What Did You Love?//  

♥ The presence that Rowan is in our lives. The way he squeaks and smiles and how we're fortunate to be his chosen family and to watch him grow up. This most recent visit, he was the biggest boy who loved chilling with his Gigi and Bry Pops (still working on our nicknames.)

♥ The magic that is Buccaneer Bay / Thormanby island, and the beautiful cabin that Cousin designed. Despite mosquitos and the roughest waters I've ever been on, it was so lovely to be on their land with sea and sand spotted from every window. 

♥ The glorious Sunday morning I attempted making sourdough pancakes topped with greek yoghurt, mango slices and coconut flakes. The sourdough hobby has since died, but that breakfast was accccce. 

♥ Dancing my butt off to Spice Girls and JLo and other 90's Gods with my schoolwife, and getting out unspent energy in a sweaty, dark club. 

♥ Meeting our nephew Luke for the first time. That long, smiley, calm hearted bug. xo

♥ Conquering two goals: putting my bike on the bus (a long held irrational fear) and biking all the way from East Van to UBC. THAT HILL AT THE END, THOUGH. Yeesh. 

On turning Three//  

Around our anniversary, I wanted to write a specific post celebrating our marriage and how it felt to be turning three years old with my husband. I have wanted to write a post on our anniversary every year, one where he participates and shares his own voice and his writer's talent, and it just never happens.

The day came and went; I wore pink heels while eating pasta and squeezing his hand. We marvelled that a year ago, we were celebrating 2 years with wind-slapped cheeks in Iceland-- and a year before that, we were feeling distant from one another and unsettled from our big move to Vancouver. Our 1 year felt sort of sad, like we had failed an important quiz, despite studying hard for it.

It is nothing short of incredible what three years since the wedding and communication can do. 

Three years in, we remain each others' greatest ally and soccer-mom-cheerleader. We continue to ask for what we need from the other, while being aware of our own baggage and hidden landmines we each bring to the table. We host imaginary talk shows in our living room, with only ourselves as the audience, and laugh all the time. Sometimes I cry too, or his heart feels sad, and both those things are OK because we never feel the need to hide either. 

Maybe next year we'll write that special post together, but for now, I am quite content that there exists a man in this world who has a giant lemon pie tattooed on his hip for me. 

Ucluelet!//

Remember how I get sort of weird and squirrelly around my birthday? This year I did the best thing. I celebrated earlier in the month with my best friends at my favourite restaurant at a long table, and then a couple weeks later when the real deal was happening, Bry and I just skipped town. 

Ucluelet had biblical amounts of rain the ENTIRE time we were there, but my god were we happy. I am at my very best when it is just me and him and nature, and that's what it was like for four days. We stopped to hug Red Cedars and Douglas Firs, traipsed around wet forests getting drenched, stuffed our gills with mac n' cheese hot dogs, gazed into a horizon of nothingness and endless Pacific ocean, and watched epic amounts of TV at night. Literally, my favourite. 

And, in an epic Herculean feat of our marriage, B convinced me to try surfing. In the rain. In an ocean. (Have I told you yet of my fear of open water and lack of swimming capabilities?)

He was such a good, patient teacher, and I was such a willing and excited student. In my diary on August 30th I wrote: I LEARNED TO SURF IN THE RAIN! I am a powerful goddess!!!!!! :D

If you know me, this is proof that anything is possible, and that magic exists in the universe. 

I'm 32!

Things I Ate That Were Good//

- Hank's BBQ in Ukee

- Zoe's Bakery in Ukee

- Fish tacos from the place in Ukee that isn't Tacofino 

- Lamb gnocci and green tomato salad from Savio Volpe

- Chicken banh mi from Ba Le

- Sausage rolls from that guy at the Trout Lake farmer's market

- The most amazing fermented cinnamon sticky roll from @annabellechoistudio 

Things I Ate That Were Overrated//

-  Wolf and Fog in Tofino (sorry)

-  Maenam in Kitsilano (sorry X 2)

A bummer//

That time my bike got stolen from the side of my house. I think I am still mostly in denial about it. I don't go to the scene of the crime very often, and I'm back to mainly walking around. 

Go straight to hell, bike thieves. 

Please Don't Leave on a Low Note//

Oh, okay. Well. Here's a dorky picture of me and my surfboard! 

Upcoming// 

I start Year 2 (and hopefully the last year, fingers crossed) of grad school. I write to tell you all about it.

I get back into the rhythm of packing lunches and going to bed by 10pm. 

I see real clients for the first time, and feel so nervousexcited that I have to lie down.

I try to decide whether to abandon my last and final post of the euromoon, because at this point, it's been a million years since. But it's London! So.. we'll see.

All this and more . . . coming soon!

Absence or not from this place, you are often fondly in my thoughts. I hope the world has been real, real sweet to you lately.

With all my love,

Your pen pal